SexDirt in Portlandby Rudy Rucker, Jr. May 1996 "Escape from New York" makes good pizza. Bind Lady and I finish off our slices, and she convinces me to drive across town to 'Periodical Paradise'. Collages with themes of money, sex, and religion are being fabricated by Bind Lady. One with a food theme should be made; Claus Oldenbergesque: food was his subject, sex his theme, sculpture his religion, and money the product. We get to Periodical Paradise and find a plethora of old mags. In half an hour, I'm still in the 'Aa' section of the basement soaking up info on the heavy metal bands of 1986. Jesus, those glam rockers were ugly. Speaking of ugly, Joey Ramone's 1986 mug is in Japan drinking JD with Metallica. Random. Two clams for the mag; I pass. Smelling failure, I drive Bind Lady down Hawthorne toward her one floor apartment (it's big, but it is the basement floor); however, she remembers the recycling center. Big dumpsters loom with the contents similar to the plastic, metal, and paper I religiously sort from my trash into yellow bins. People ar dumping paper and mags in the public dropoff area. I proceed to pull out the very magazines people are dumping. One woman is interested in my actions and gives me six issues of the Smithsonian when she notices the one clutched under my left arm. I find an April New Yorker. Here are some Better Livings; I leave them. Score: a Rolling Stone's interview with Henry Rollins recollecting his Black Flag days. But, the real treasure is yet to be had. Hastily, a woman empties a brown bag of Penthouses (boyfriend's? Hubby away for Memorial weekend?) into the bin. Bind Lady and I glance at each other, watch the woman turn back toward her Ford Explorer, and, simultaneously, snatch all the porn in sight. The next twenty minutes are spent rummaging, to no avail, through the magazine dumpster for smut. I conclude the stack of mags in the guard shed (why is trash guarded?) are all the salvaged pornos. I plan on making a porno mural in tribute to the 70's, and Bind Lady will utilize the images in her art. Satisfied, we bail. Driving down SE 25th, we can't contain our eagerness for flesh: Bind Lady opens a Penthouse as I drive. The image is breath-taking: a man is licking the sphincter of a woman! Have you ever opened Vogue to a perfume ad? The aroma diffusing from this page is rank to the extreme. I scream. Bind Lady shrieks. Some guy beat-off to the image of butt-hole licking! I slam on the brakes; Bind Lady gathers our mags; two teenagers watched a freaked-out woman toss magazines in a dumpster; the stack of porn will be found again. INDEX |